Cruel Intentions

Cruel Intentions is, after Hackers, probably my favorite shitty movie. I ran across some stills (not there, but that is a good example) online a while ago, remembered how awesome it is (look at the still, you’ll understand), and had to track a copy down. Ernest Hardy of the LA Weekly’s review “In truth, the only reason this film was made was to allow viewers to ogle pretty young things behaving badly.” pretty much sums the whole thing up. I’m reasonably certain that review was intended as criticism, but that is totally missing the point. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Reese Witherspoon and Selma Blair while they were young and cute in leading roles, and I’m told Ryan Phillippe is there as eye candy as well, but thats not my thing.

It’s apparently one of several movies based off a French novel, Les Liaisons dangereuses, but the terrible writing, terrible acting, and implausible teenage east coast upper crust setting annihilate any sense of class that might imply. The plot is fun and honestly sort of cute, but you could watch it with the sound off and it would probably seem like a better movie. The problem with the “sound off” approach is that you would miss out on the angsty 14-year-old fanfic grade writing and shitty wooden delivery that elevate it from “attractive but dumb” to “attractive and hilarious“. Turning the sound off also wouldn’t save you from the glaring plot holes: how did the journal get wrapped? Why does he still have it in some scenes after passing it off, and most importantly HOW DID SHE GET HIS DAMN CAR at the end, did she go through her dying lover’s pockets?

Also, I love Sebastian’s style. His black duster-thing is the shit, and I want his half-frame glasses… the sunglasses (Vuarnet PX 3000 Wayfarer or knockoff thereof) are a plot element, so they are easy to look up, but I can’t find (and probably wouldn’t actually want to pay for/wear even if I could) the half frames.

For those familiar with UK’s schedule; this is indeed how I celebrated being done with the semester; some friends, a double of Woodford Reserve, and a movie that underflows it’s way to awesome.

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